Special Report By Otto B. Free

April 1, 2013 (Jacumvardo)—Three East County communities— Jacumba , Boulevard and Campo, have voted to secede from San Diego County.

“We reject the designation of our region as an energy corridor,” said Donna Tisdale, who will chair a newly elected board of supervisors in the newly formed Jacumvardo County.  “By forming our own County, we are taking back control over our own land use decisions and preserving our rural community character. This move also gives us the opportunity to create a unique economy based on eco-tourism that will assure protection of endangered species--past and present.”

“I’m planning to ride the end-of-the-world wave when those bombs start hitting the Pacific. Cowabunga!” -- Sandy "Surf Dog" Shores

Special Report By Dawn Last

April 1, 2013 (Ocean Beach)-- Hundreds of San Diego residents have flocked to the beach to begin a vigil watching for incoming missiles that the North Korean government announced  it intends to launch against U.S. military bases  in an effort to turn our nation into a “boiled pumpkin,” in the words of dictator Kim Jun Un. 

The U.S. State Department officially maintains that the threats are merely “bellicose rhetoric” and that the missiles can't reach our shores.

Undaunted,  San Diego beach residents are organizing  “an end of the world party to end all parties,” as a flyer posted in Ocean and Mission Beach proclaims. After Kim Jun Un was photographed with a map of possible targets, San Diego  was clearly in the bullseye--a fact not lost on students  eager for any excuse to party over spring break.

A Special Report by Rollin Dice

April 1, 2013 (Jacumba Hot Springs) – The Jamul Indian tribe announced today that tribal leaders have reached an agreement to build an off-reservation casino at the site of the former Hotel Jacumba.  The original hotel, once a magnet for Hollywood celebrities in the 1930s and 40s, burned to the ground decades ago.