RAPE VICTIM TRAPS ATTACKER WITH JOB OFFER

Tips on How to Survive If You Are Attacked

By Byron Walls

This was the headline on a story in the Contra Costa Times on August 29, 2007. It got my attention, as a person who does crime safety talks and talks a lot about rape. The story went on to say, “Police say a quick-thinking rape victim saved her own life by befriending her attacker, and she helped police arrest him by luring him back with an offer of a job.” The woman was a real estate agent in Hayward, Ca. The attacker called her three times to make an appointment to see a house. When he arrived, she walked him through the house and in the kitchen, he attacked her and tried to strangle her.

According to the woman, after he released his grip, he stole her jewelry. She STAYED CALM ENOUGH TO KEEP TALKING TO HIM and told him she would help him. “You’ve been dealt a bad hand. If you rob me, that is not going to get you anywhere,” she said she told him. He then pushed her into a backyard guesthouse, where she was raped.

The assailant, Howard Moore 24, of San Leandro was arrested Aug. 17 and charged with rape, kidnapping and robbery.

The woman told police she kept talking. “I GOT HIM TO TRUST ME,” she said. The woman reported that she told Moore she would not call police and that she had a friend who could get him a job. Moore dialed the woman’s friend on a speakerphone, and the friend said he would help Moore get a job. During their talk, Moore started to cry, returned the woman’s rings and let her go to her house to get money for him, she said. According to the sheriff’s statement, she gave him $300.

Moore agreed to meet her friend at a Hayward coffee shop to talk about the job. When he arrived undercover agents arrested him.

The main lesson I get out of this is THE WOMAN KEPT TALKING. That is very important. I’ve had two women come up to me in two years and tell me how they did that successfully. It’s called SHMOOZING. One woman had to buy him food, the other gave him money but in both cases they got out of it.

Obviously if you are attacked, you are dealing with a very troubled individual. Draw him out. Get him to talk to you. Be a sympathetic listener. ..like the real estate agent was when she told her assailant, “You’ve been dealt a bad hand.” Talk normal and friendly, avoid verbal hysteria. Initiate conversation. Establish false rapport. Observe moods, yours and the assailant. Never act like a victim; don’t beg, cry, scream, or ask questions about what is going to happen, and make no reference to death or deals concerning release.

Ask for nothing no matter what you want or need. Pretend to be his friend as much as you can.. Buy time. Follow your intuition. How violent is he? STAY ALIVE. Use your instinctive sexual ability. Even while actually being raped, you keep talking to him. If you fear he is determined to kill you in the end one option would be to pretend cooperation up to the point where you can turn a caressing motion into pushing your thumbs into his eyes or grabbing his testicles, twisting and pulling HARD, then getting up and running.

But if you aren’t a good fighter and he has a gun or a knife in his hand or within reach, fighting might not be an option. In that case it is better to try to get a psychological advantage by pretending to go along with it until you can work your way free. We are talking here about when you are trapped and overpowered in an isolated or closed space. Using offensive/defensive force during the approach when escape is 100% possible or when initially attacked is totally appropriate and to be covered in another article.

Have you ever heard the saying, “what you resist persists?” If you become argumentative or defensive you are resisting, pouring gasoline on the fire instead of water. Clearly rape is an attempt by the rapist to vent his anger and exercise his power to relieve the impotence he feels. So you get him to talk to you and you acknowledge his feelings….”I can see you are really upset. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. If I was in your situation I would probably be angry too.”

I suspect in this story that is the point where Moore started to cry and gave her back her jewelry. Her feeling, sympathetic listening skills dissolved his anger enough for him to get into the pent up, unexpressed tears behind his rage and he was able to calm down.

At the same time she was buying time to come up with a solution….the job offer, that allowed her to escape.

Byron Walls is the director of California Crimefight and offers a free, 30-40 minute upbeat and humorous talk to groups of 35 or more on the subject of Crime Safety. For a 7 minute video clip of his program go to www.californiacrimefight.com. His email address is brwalls@earthlink.net.