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By Joy Player

April 1, 2024 (El Cajon)—Parkway Plaza shopping mall  today announced that the vacant former Walmart store will be converted to a massive indoor recreational center to be called “Cajon Zone.”

The facility, to be expanded vertically, will be a four-story haven for children and the young at heart. It will include an indoor water park complete with spiraling slides and inner tube floats, elevated skywalk and jogging track, fitness center, ice skating and NFL-sized hockey rink, rock-climbing walls, roller skating rink, roller derby track and more.

“El Cajon has many under-served communities that can benefit from this multi-sport facility,” said Max Bucks, CEO of Cajon Zone. “There’s something for everyone here.”

At a press conference at which renderings of the new facility were unveiled, Mayor Bill Wells called the Cajon Zone “a welcome addition to East County that will draw in visitors from surrounding areas and significantly boost sales tax revenues for El Cajon.” He recalled growing up and enjoying the old Family Fun Center, and suggested Cajon Zone consider expanding into the former Macy’s space to add bumper cars, batting cages and miniature golf.

Pastor Faith Heald with the Interfaith Council announced that local mega-churches will hold group baptisms at the water park on Sunday mornings.  A spacious basement community room will be available for events such as bar mitzvahs and wedding receptions.

Victor Bruno, a candidate running in the city’s majority Hispanic district, announced his goal to to establish a  hockey team for the city, which will be called “the Cajones.”

Councilmember Michelle Metschel, rolling up on skates, stated, “Politics is a rough business today, with all those critics on social media. So I’ve taken up roller derby to toughen up and look forward to competing here.  It’s a great way to work out and work off stress at the same time!”

Superintendent David Miyashiro announced plans to have students’ next motivational video filmed in Cajon Zone, adding, “We’re also adding a new `World of Fun’ component to our curriculum” to supplement our ‘World of Work.’”

Bea A. Shopper, spokesperson for Parkway Plaza, stated, “Cajon Zone will provide after school activities for kids and teens. Plus it’s an ideal place for our customers to drop off their children for a few hours—or all day, while parents shop to their heart’s delight. Shoppers can also drop off spouses who wish to enjoy shopping alternatives such as yoga, belly-dancing and kick-boxing classes.” 

Tipping her Western hat, she concluded, ”There will even be a rooftop rec room, cafe and bar overlooking the amusement facilities with fun activities for adults, from country line dancing to mechanical bull riding. Yee-ha!”

Happy April Fool’s Day!

Read more April Fool’s 2024 stories.


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Cajon fun zone

Had me until maga church holding mega baptisms. Nope. No thank you


good one