BAD MONEY: HOW TO BE SMART WITH YOUR MONEY, "PARTY HEARTY" & SURVIVE AN ECONOMIC COLLAPSE
A column written for the East County Magazine
“Your guide to financial planning & socially responsible investing”
By Judith L. Seid, CFP ®
President, Blue Summit Financial Group
April 1st, 2010 (San Diego) --The rules of finance have changed since the economic collapse that began in October 2008. The global financial crisis, due largely to unregulated corporations engaging in greed-driven behavior, has caused us to re-think what is currently considered good financial advice.
So on this April 1st, 2010, I hereby concur that we have a new set of “foolish” financial rules to live by. Here is my top ten list:
1) Wreckless Spending – More vital to our economy now than ever…here are a few tips to get you started:
a) Debt – Get into as much debt as possible, after all, you can always declare bankruptcy. Why not let the credit card companies fund your vacations, and banks, they just write off those bad loans anyway. Keep your bankruptcy attorney’s number close at hand, and compete with your friends to see who can max out the most credit cards. Besides if our government thinks it’s an all American idea to have $12 trillion in debt…then running up a deficit is good enough for you!
b) Shopping – Since consumption is the engine of job creation and a strong economy, you should shop as often as possible. After all, if you end up not needing the item you purchased, you can always give it as a gift.
2) Get Rich Quick Tricks – Its best to get rich quick without having to work too hard…here are some ideas:
a) Gambling –I suggest a combination of daily lottery tickets and weekend gambling jaunts to the local Indian gaming casinos. If you don’t win, at least you’ll have fun trying and don’t forget the all-you-can-eat roast beef at the buffet.
b) Marry rich, then get divorced - This is a good tactic if you are beautiful or dashingly handsome, single, and don’t mind sacrificing 3 to 10 years of your life in exchange for financial security. The Wall Street Journal reports that fully two-thirds of women and half of men said they were "very" or "extremely" willing to marry for money .
c) Lawsuits – Look for prime opportunities to engage your personal injury attorney against corporate America. Large awards of $1m+ are a drop in the bucket for these corporate giants, and remember that personal injury awards are tax free! Stella Liebeck sued McDonalds because her coffee was too hot and was awarded $600k...this could be you!
3) Taxes – Don’t pay these – after all the ninth amendment to the Constitution prohibits the government from taxing the people to pay for unconstitutional programs, wasteful spending, and for political purposes. You’ll also save hundreds on tax preparation fees as well—at least until the IRS catches up with you. To avoid this, use your savings to buy a secret off-shore hideaway.
4) Children – It’s important to pass on Smart Money habits with your children, here are a couple tips:
a) Educate - Teach your children strong shopping habits from a young age to help ensure the prosperity of our economy and a strong job market for them. I suggest adding your children on your credit card as early as possible, so they can learn that you don’t need to have money to buy lots of stuff.
b) College - Don’t save anything for your kids’ college education. Education costs are skyrocketing and education is overrated, and besides, it’s good for the li’l rascals to learn the value of hard work while toiling away at some dead-end job for 10 years or so to pay their own tuitions. They can follow your lead and borrow, borrow, borrow to help support the banking system – after all, that’s why God made student loans.
5) Saving – No need to do this, you couldn’t really ever save enough to last a lifetime anyway, so why stress yourself out trying…after all that’s what the social security safety net is for.
6) Insurance - Don’t pay for insurance, if your employer buys it for you, great, but otherwise don’t. Remember, if you have a healthy lifestyle you’re subsidizing all the unhealthy people. And besides, our government will always take care of you if you run out of money.
7) Financial planners - Big mistake here, don’t visit one of these, they’re sure to put a cramp in your lifestyle.
8) Budgeting – Long considered a good idea, you can throw this task out the window and get your Sunday afternoons back. The way I see it is that with the time you’ll save, you can do more shopping.
9) Investing – Diversification is BAD for your portfolio, don’t do this. Invest in the 2-3 hot stocks every time you hear them on the news or play darts with the financial section of your favorite newspaper.
10) Dollar Bills – Nobody uses these anymore, plastic is the in thing. I suggest an origami class, so that you can turn these useless items into fascinating works of art.
**Happy April Fools' Day from Blue Summit Financial Group!
Today’s column should in no way be relied upon by readers for anything other than a good laugh. For real financial advice, contact Judith at: Blue Summit Financial Group (619) 698-4330; www.BLUESUMMITINVEST.com. Securities offered through Pacific West Securities, Inc. (Pacific West) Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services provided through Blue Summit Wealth Management., a Registered Investment Advisor. Blue Summit Wealth Management and Pacific West are not affiliated.
To read more April Fools' Day “news” from East County Magazine’s special April 1st, 2010 edition, please visit: http://www.eastcountymagazine.org/taxonomy/term/3460.