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By Brian Lafferty
September 25, 2010 (San Diego)--Bran Nue Dae is a film so dreadful I felt embarrassed just watching it. Everything about it literally made me cringe. Only the completionist in me got me staying until the end. Once the end credits began to roll, I didn’t just walk out of the theater. I ran to the nearest exit. No, I’m not making this up.
The movie is a thoroughly cliched story about an Aborigine teenager who falls for the girl of his dreams. He’s of course separated from her when his mother sends him off to Catholic School so he can become a priest. He runs away and winds up meeting through contrived circumstances his homeless uncle. The two journey back to his home with the head Priest (Geoffrey Rush) in hot pursuit.
Bran Nue Dae is so contrived that it can be used in screenwriting courses to illustrate the deux ex machina. Translation: Whenever the characters are put in a precarious situation, someone else inexplicably comes to the rescue and bails them out. In ancient Greece this would have been a wonderful device but in the 21st century it is one of the worst storytelling devices a screenwriter can utilize.
Take the scene where Willy, the hero, is about to get beat up by a jealous husband. As the man is about to pound him into the ground, his uncle and the two hippies they befriended on the trek save him at the last minute. The explanation: “Everybody ends up at the Condom Tree.”
This “Condom Tree” is one example of the film’s desperate attempts at humor. A man-hungry woman takes Willy to a tree where the leaves are blown-up condoms so people can make whoopee. The film also thinks it’s funny to have sausage links fall out of pants. Then there’s a religious cult leader named Mother Teresa.
I found the singing pitchy and grating on the ears. The songs are so unmemorable they are forgettable as the characters sing them. The numbers are random, don’t unfold organically, and never add to the overall story. They made me nostalgic for the songs in the 1987 flop Ishtar, which were deliberately written by Paul Williams to be awful but they were more memorable and singable than any heard in Bran Nue Dae.
The choreography is disorganized. There is no rhythm or unity in the dancing. There is practically no direction at all in the camera movement, the editing, and the blocking of the actors. The actors look lost, as if they don’t know how they’re supposed to move. The camera moves around haphazardly and the editing is arbitrary.
Bran Nue Dae left me with more than just shudders and a 24 hour recovery. It left me with a few major questions. I have no idea what the movie was trying to say. I didn’t see the themes or messages. The movie has nothing to say about anything nor does it have an attitude about its subjects.
The movie meant well. It knows it wants to be campy and that its intention is to go all the way. Sometimes that works but not this time. It is based on a successful Australian musical and I could sense its attempt to retain the theatrical qualities seen on the stage. It doesn’t translate well to the silver screen. Sometimes a movie needs to hold back.
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