By Joy Ryder
April 1, 2011 (Julian) – Highway 67 is notorious for the many head-on collisions and fatality crashes which have occurred on the winding stretch from Lakeside to Julian. Today, Cal-Trans and the San Diego Association of Governments (SANDAG) announced a solution.
In a joint press conference outside Julian Apple Pie Company, a major project sponsor, officials from both agencies revealed plans to replace old 67 with a new double-decker freeway from Santee to Julian.
In just one ten-year stretch, from 1998 to 2008, Highway 67 claimed the lives of 46 people. More deadly accidents have occurred since then. Fortunately, the days of taking your life in your hands when motoring on this stretch of roadway will soon be at an end.
“Motorists will no longer have to worry about head-on collisions, since northbound traffic will be on top and southbound on the bottom,” said Cal-Trans spokesman E.Z. Ryder. “Once the new double-decker freeway is complete, a driver who is foolhardy enough to drink or do drugs before driving will find that veering off course at a high speed could lead to plummeting off the top deck and into a canyon. This will eliminate most repeat offenders and save on prosecution costs,” Ryder added.
Given the wildly popular “Sea to Santee” festival on the freeway held recently to celebrate the opening of Highway 52’s connector to 67 (an event which drew 20,000 revelers), SANDAG and Cal-Trans plan to fund construction of the new double-decker thoroughfare by hosting an event each weekend on every finished mile of the expansion and charging admission to “party in the fast lane” or “kick back in the slow lane.”
Motorists will be able to purchase Julian applie cider and pies at toll booths in Santee, where the new highway will connect up with Highway 52.
A special tax will be assessed on every Julian apple pie sold county-wide to fund DUI enforcement details. In addition, local winery tasting rooms will be assessing a modest per-drink charge to fund free chauffeured cruise bus rides for backcountry wine-tasting aficionados, resolving concerns of the wineries’ rural neighbors about tipsy patrons on the highway. Cheers!
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS’ DAY!
To read more April Fool’s Day “news” from East County Magazine’s special April 1st, 2011 edition, please visit: http://www.eastcountymagazine.org/taxonomy/term/7443