By R. U. Smart
April 1, 2011 (Rancho San Diego) – Faced with a growing budget gap, the Grossmont-Cuyamaca Community College District today announced a major new means of boosting tuitions and revenues.
“Cuyamaca College will open our district’s first satellite campus this summer in Thailand,” announced Henri Migala, executive dean of institutional advancement. “Cuyamaca has gained an international reputation for our instruction in green jobs and sustainable technology, which we will now be outsourcing to Asia.”
Campus administrators anticipate the new community college will draw students from throughout Southeast Asia as well as Japan, where demand for clean energy alternatives is at a record high following the Fukushima nuclear catastrophe.
“A portion of tuition fees raised at our Asian campus will be used to defer costs for low-income students at our existing Cuyamaca College campus in Rancho San Diego,” Migala disclosed, adding that the District also plans to “outsource part of our student body to Cuyamaca’s Thai facility” after learning it is cheaper to purchase airfare and lodging for students at a former Buddhist monastery overseas than to educate them locally. Also planned for the new campus is a Water Conservation Bonsai garden.
Doug Deane, Education Chair for the East County Chamber of Commerce, praised the deal after secretly scouting out an architecturally appropriate site for the new campus while on a reported “vacation” in Thailand in March.
“The business community applauds this new partnership between East County and Southeast Asia,” Deane said. “We look forward to strengthening our Thai ties and leading Chamber members on an Orient orientation tour of the new campus facilities soon. Graduates of this program will be well prepared to fill the business needs of tomorrow, locally and internationally."
Migala, who has been named the District's new roving international ambassador, concluded, “We view this as a win-win for our students in East County and East Asia, as well as our District’s bottom line." Now en route to the Middle East, Migala disclosed, "We aspire to announce additional international campuses soon, bringing educational and vocational opportunities to students in even the most turbulent places around the world."
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS’ DAY!
To read more April Fool’s Day “news” from East County Magazine’s special April 1st, 2011 edition, please visit: http://www.eastcountymagazine.org/taxonomy/term/7443