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By Miriam Raftery (a parody based on the poem by Clement Clark Moore)
‘
Twas the night before Christmas and all through East County
Not a creature was stirring, from Borrego to El Monte.
Hiking boots were hung by chimneys with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
From Barona to Ramona, Jacumba to Jamul
East County residents this 2021 Yule
Celebrate the season with favorite dishes
And send Santa Claus these holiday wishes:
Descanso residents ask Santa to stop SDG&E
From turning off power whenever it’s windy.
Borrego Springs folks wish for a whole lot of rain,
While La Mesans want burned banks to build back again.
Chamber of Commerce leaders ask Santa to axe
SANDAG’s dreaded proposed mileage tax.
Grossmont Hospital’s doctors want vaccines for all,
Parkway Plaza seeks holiday jingle for the mall.
Out in Lake Morena, all want water that’s drinkable,
After months of bottled water, a plight that’s unthinkable.
Many East County folks want to lose quarantine girth,
Afghan refugees in El Cajon just want peace on earth.
Lemon Grove folks seek help for those on the street,
Santee wants widening Highway 52 to be complete.
Alpine wants redistricting to keep East County together,
And not split communities that are birds of a feather.
Lakeside and Spring Valley ask Santa to deliver
A halt to sand mining plans for their rivers.
Teachers want support for school academics,
While parents ask Santa to end the pandemic.
Julian wants tourists to finally return,
While Cal Fire asks that no wildfires burn.
Ramona’s wineries ask Santa to bring them good cheer
With lots of new visitors in the New Year.
While most folks are snuggled all warm in their beds,
East County’s homeless want roofs over their heads.
On sidewalks and in riverbeds, in their stocking caps
They tried settling down for cold winter's naps,
When up in the sky there arose such a clatter,
They sprang to their feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the tent flaps they flew like a flash,
Tore open the front flaps and out they did dash.
The moon on the breast of the sidewalks below
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects aglow,
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a magical sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
Beside wild turkeys and eagles, his reindeer they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now Dasher, now Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! on Cupid! On Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the hill! Then the new border wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before Santa Ana winds fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So in through the treetops the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of gifts, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, they heard a dog woof,
At the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As they drew in their heads, and were turning around,
Down St. Nicholas came to their camp with a bound.
He was dressed in faux fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of gifts he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a homeless man opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth had a mask with a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as snow;
An Indian peace pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And its smoke encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like Julian apple jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
So all laughed when they saw him, in spite of themselves;
A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Soon gave them to know they had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but turned with a jerk,
Filling wishes for food, good health and work,
Then he doled out toys, books and clothes,
And giving a nod, to the heavens he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down on a thistle
But all heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas, East County, and to all a good night!”
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