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A Woman's Perspective

By Laura Walsh

February 10, 2009 (San Diego's East County) — When
people ask how my husband and I met, they are generally surprised to
learn that we met on the Internet. Some people are even shocked. I am
not sure why.

When my marriage of 22 years ended in divorce and I was in my early
50s my first thought was that my life was over--NOT! I realized soon that
it had only just begun in many ways. I decided I would no longer be afraid
of life, but I would embrace it and enjoy it. The first thing I did was
get a pedicure--I know, rather mundane, but I had never had one before.
The second thing I did was change my hair color-- just a few streaks
nothing too dramatic--after all I was a principal of an elementary school!
The third thing I did was sign up for an Internet dating service. I had
fun each day exploring the biographies of men and getting excited when
someone wrote to me. It was a bit scary at first, yet it was also exhilarating
and liberating. I would enjoy my friends, but I was going to get right
back into the saddle with men--so to speak!

Safety was a primary concern in the Internet world. The first thing
I did was set up a hotmail account in a different name just for interactions
with men. Even though you can interact on the dating Internet site safely,
I found most men wanted to move into regular e-mail pretty quickly. I
usually found out their full names and other information about them once
this happened. They still learned very little about me as the name I
used was not my own. I met several men in person but not before spending
lots of time with them on the web site or in e-mail learning about them
and watching for any inconsistencies. When anything made me nervous I
bailed and moved on. Sometimes the men I met took me out for a meal the
first time; others only coffee; one offered nothing. Yes, some people
lie on their Internet bios and they post old pictures of themselves.
I am not sure why, because eventually the truth will come out unless
you decide to never actually meet anyone. I met one of those after a
long interval of writing and even talking on the phone. He was NOTHING
like his photo. Being truthful up front is definitely the best policy.

Most of the men I actually met in person were really nice and I was
willing to date them again, but there was one who fascinated me from
the beginning. He was never very wordy in his e-mails but he seemed to
take a genuine interest in me.

After a few months of "talking" in e-mail we decided to meet. At that
time, Terry lived in Escondido and I lived in Riverside. Terry suggested
brunch at Marie Callendar's in Temecula. I quickly agreed. He fascinated
me. From his bio and e-mails I could see he was adventurous and loved
the outdoors, off road racing, Mexico, traveling in Europe and sports--but
he also enjoyed concerts and plays and dancing--was there really a man
who liked all those things?

I arrived to find him waiting at an outside table. We talked easily
during the meal. It was clear he had read my bio. Terry asked questions
about me as he shared information about himself. It was a well-rounded
conversation. At the end of the meal I let him walk me to my car. Before
saying "Goodbye" he reached out and touched my arm ever so gently. I
felt a surge of electricity!

I was on cloud nine as I headed back home. He invited me to go on a
motorcycle ride with him the following weekend. How was I going to deal
with that? I wanted to see him, but a motorcycle ride? I had only ridden
once and that was thirty years before. How could I sit up against a strange
man with my arms around him? And then there was the problem of helmet
hair. I called him and said that I did not know him well enough to see
me in helmet hair yet. He understood and he said he would think of something
else.

His something else was a day trip to Idyllwild. Now that would be fun!
We met near Hemet. I parked my car next to his and got out. What was
I thinking??? I was going to be riding up the mountain with a strange
man I hardly knew. Oh my...Up until then I had met my dates and did not
drive with them anywhere. I calmed myself and listened for any warning
signals. There were none. I had to trust my instincts that he was the
kind of man I thought he was. I relaxed and enjoyed the day. We drove
to Idyllwild and stopped for a soda. Knowing that I liked antique shopping,
he offered for us to visit some of the local stores or go for a hike.
I opted for the hike. We sat on a big rock for a long time talking about
life and family and everything--it was wonderful! On the way back he told
me I was beautiful!

I was liking this Terry man a lot but I had one big problem. I am an
"eye" person. I believe the eyes to be the window of the soul and I had
yet to see Terry's eyes! So far we had eaten outside at Marie
Callendars and now walked outside in Idyllwild and he always
had sunglasses on! Would I ever see his whole face?

He offered to take me to dinner and we stumbled upon one of the best
restaurants in that little town. Again we were seated outside!
Then miracles of miracles the sun went down and the sunglasses came off.
There they were crystal pools of soft blue-green looking tenderly at
me! That did it!

On the way out of the restaurant he touched the small of my back as
I walked through the door and again I felt that electric shock. I was
totally done for!

We headed back down the mountain and parked next to my car. I wondered
if he would kiss me. The next thing I knew we were locked in each other's
arms. My phone rang. "Hi. Well. Hum. Yeah. Sorta. I'll call you when
I leave here. OK?"  Terry asked if that was a friend checking on
me and I said, "You betcha!"

We got out of the car to walk to mine and embraced again, not really
wanting to let go. Again my phone rang. "Hi. Great. It was fun. No, I
am still with him. OK. Yeah. I'll call later."

"How many more calls are you going to get?" Terry asked. "Probably one
more," I said. "Then I had better let you go." I agreed. 

I drove home happier than I had been in a very long time. I had met
a wonderful man. I knew I was heading for love, but it was a few more
dates before we declared that love and three years before we would be
living in the same zip code. My life and work and son were in Riverside
and his life and work and kids were in San Diego. We traveled between
the two cities each weekend for three years. We also vacationed together
in Europe, Mexico and various parts of the United States. My son finished
college and was heading off to graduate school in Colorado when we decided
to start looking for property in the San Diego area. We found a place
we loved and I retired from my principalship to settle down in our new
home in Alpine.

We celebrated our union at our own community lake with all of our friends
and family in attendance. Our children and grandchildren made up the
wedding party and, although it rained in the morning, it turned out to
be a beautiful day for a wedding. It was magical!

P.S. I also found my wonderful Labradoodle on the Internet. I found
my husband on www.seniorfriendfinder.com and my dog on www.petfinder.com.
It is amazing what you can find on the Internet. Try it!

 

A Man's Perspective

By Terry Walsh

Searching, and finding, a mate on the Internet can be a rewarding and
successful activity.  Once the initial learning process is completed and comfort
is achieved with the Internet's modern form of communication, one can get
right at finding the right mate. Outdated methods of visiting bars, joining
clubs and mining work, school and church provide only a limited universe
from which to meet and develop relationships.  The Internet is the
answer for today's climate of not only a fast- paced life, but one with
desired quality as well.

Many matching services, both free and fee-based, provide the ability
to search databases for a partner with many pre-defined parameters. It
may sound chauvinistic, but it is completely proper to expect to find
a partner compatible with one's lifestyle including region, religion,
and financial status--not to mention age, sex, appearance and health.
Many sessions of e-mail can reveal the important aspects of the person
who initially appears a good candidate for a mate, life partner or spouse-- depending on what kind of relationship is being sought.  Although
there are some who falsely advertise themselves, the majority of participants
are just looking for a more fulfilling life with someone, something they
do not currently have but want very badly.

Matching couples should be based not only those criteria previously
stated but also on issues of potential step parenting.  Most relationships
suffer problems over money and the raising of offspring.  The Internet
searches can avoid getting into a "sure" problem if one is not willing
to accept the associated baggages.

Relationships still must be developed the old fashion way with carefully
planned meetings, simple dating and lots of discussion.  Trust and
caring takes time and must be based on a good footing from the truth
of the original introduction.

With today's rate of divorce and breakup, the Internet provides a way
to "get over it" and move on to the life everyone seeks to enjoy.  With
a little effort and patience, the rewards can lead to a new life in every
aspect.

 

 


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