SIMPLE WISDOM: HOW OTHERS VIEW YOU

May 1, 2009 (San Diego)--Do you worry about what others think of you? Of course everyone likes to be well regarded. Having some sense of how you’re viewed is healthy. The problem comes when you imagine someone holds a negative view and you can’t stop thinking about it. Your anxiety may be heightened if that someone is a family member, boss or co-worker…someone whose opinion and connection matters to you.

Here’s the tip. First, check what disapproving view you may be carrying about that person. What you imagine coming from him/her may be your own projected judgment bouncing back. Look beneath any negativity for anger. This is important. Begin some sentences with “I am angry with you because…” Find a safe space to briefly stomp, shake, or holler this energy out (three minutes max.) Enjoy waves of relief when finished.

Now you’ll be clear enough to see if your expectations need adjusting. Can you accept him/her as is? Perhaps you need to communicate directly –- offering feedback or making a request. Planning to do this without demanding or blaming will mitigate fear.

Finally, pull your awareness back inside. Review how you feel about you. This is the only place you have power. Be sure you’re not judging or expecting too much of yourself. Ask your heart how it feels about you. Be surprised and overjoyed at the tender love available for you, from you– always.©

Penelope Young Andrade LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist with over 35 years experience integrating the best of traditional and alternative approaches for bodymind transformation. www.penelopetalk.com 858-481-5752 penart@abac.com