April Fools Day

LEMON GROVE HIRES PROFESSIONAL HELP

 

 

By Miss Perceptions

April 1, 2018 (Lemon Grove) – Following a barrage of negative news stories and claims of alleged misconduct by city council members, Lemon Grove Mayor Racquel Vasquez has announced plans to bring in professional help to seek reconciliation, restore good relations among elected officials and staff, and improve the city's image in the community.

“Thanks to the intervention of Oprah Winfrey, whom I met at a Democratic Party fundraiser, we’ve arranged for Dr. Phil to counsel our council and restore civility and civic trust to Lemon Grove," Mayor Vasquez announced in a press conference at the city's landmark lemon.

PROJECT LOON TO POWER BACKCOUNTRY DURING POWER OUTAGES

 

 

 

By Will U. Pay

April 1, 2018 (San Diego’s East County) – Responding to rural residents’ concerns over frequent power shut-offs to prevent its lines from sparking wildfires, SDG&E today announced an innovative partnership with Google’s parent company, Alphabet. 

“Just as Alphabet deployed a fleet of balloons over Puerto Rico to power cell phone service and restore Internet connections after the hurricane there, Alphabet’s Project Loon will launch a fleet of balloons over San Diego’s East County to aid residents in our rural areas during future planned power outages,”  SDG&E spokesperson Sharon Power announced today.

SANTEE GOES UNDERGROUND TO SOLVE TRAFFIC WOES

 

 

By Ima Rider

April 1, 2018 (Santee) – With multiple major housing communities proposed on some of the last developable land in San Diego County, Santee’s City Council has faced strong opposition from residents fearful of traffic gridlock on already congested city streets and State Route 52.

Today, Mayor John Minto announced an innovative solution.

TRUMP DUMPS CALIFORNIA

 

 

 

By Jose Cañu Sí

April 1, 2018 (San Diego) – Today, President Donald Trump announced an agreement with Mexico to fully fund the border wall.  In exchange, Trump revealed, “I’ve signed a treaty ceding California to Mexico.”

The wall separating San Diego from Mexico will be torn down. The new wall will begin in Yuma at the California-Arizona border and extend north to Oregon, then west to the Pacific.

PEGLEG SMITH’S GOLD FORTUNE FOUND

 

By Peggy Leg

April 1, 2018 (Borrego Springs) – Way back in the late 1820s, Thomas “Pegleg” Smith got lost in a sandstorm and hobbled up a hill on his wooden leg to get his bearings. There, he claimed to have discovered walnut-sized rocks that he later learned contained gold as well as silver and manganese.

As his story went, Pegleg was chased away by Indians and could never find his lost gold. Now Pegleg, who was also a horse thief, trapper and notorious teller of tall tales, was suspected by many to have made up the whole story – especially since he sold maps to eager but luckless prospectors. He event inspired the Pegleg Smith Liar’s Contest held each April.

 Many have searched for Pegleg’s lost gold through the years, but no one ever found it – until now...

SPECIAL EDITION: BREAKING NEWS APRIL 1, 2017

April 1, 2017—East County Magazine has the exclusive scoop on astounding major stories breaking today:

Is truth stranger than fiction? You decide.  Click links above for individual stories, or  click this link  to view blurbs on each of these stories in our extra-special April 1st edition. Then to open each special report, scroll down and click “read more." (Trust us, you won't want to miss this news!) 

HUNTER, DAVIS ANNOUNCE PLAN TO CUT TAXES AND BRING INNOVATIVE JOBS TO EL CAJON

 

By Star Wares

April 1, 2017 (El Cajon )—Congressional members Duncan Hunter and Susan Davis held a press conference today in El Cajon to unveil a new “replicator” technology to be headquartered near Gillespie Field.

“The era of high taxes is over,”  Rep. Hunter announced.  “What government needs, it can replicate. Now that  government only needs to fund payroll for vital services such as the military,  I will be introducing a bill to slash taxes by 50%.”

Rep. Davis explained, “Light years ahead of 3-D printer technology, the Vespuccia Replicator is capable of scanning, processing and instantaneously replicating objects ranging from bridge supports to tanks.”

LA MESA TO GAIN NEW LIBRARY—AND A VIRTUAL CITY HALL

 

 

By Abel Reader

April 1, 2017 (La Mesa) --By a unanimous vote, La Mesa’s City Council has voted to eliminate City Hall and build a state-of-the-art new library in its place, fulfilling a years-long promise to residents.  The project will be paid for by selling off the old police station to a developer who has committed to build affordable housing on the site.

MEXICO TO PAY FOR WALL

 

 

By Juana  B. Back

April 1, 2017 (San Diego) – In a surprise announcement this morning,  President Donald Trump tweeted that Mexico’s president has agreed to pay for the border wall. The decision came after the winning bid was awarded to a Mexican contracting company, Puerto Abierto, following a four-day bidding process in March.

“We’re going to build a HUGE wall.  The biggest and best wall ever,” Trump promised in a 4 a.m. tweet.  “Mexico has agreed to pay.  Puerto Abierto’s got the contract. They had the lowest bid, a real deal. HASTA LA VISTA, BAD HOMBRES!!!!”

SAN DIEGO MOTORISTS LAUNCH “POT FOR POTHOLES” INITIATIVE

 

 

By Axle Broke

April 1, 2017 (San Diego) –Last month, Supervisors voiced concerns over falling gas tax revenues and inadequate funding to repair roadways countywide.  Today, motorists seeking solutions to roads battered by winter storms held a press conference to announce  the “Pot for Potholes” ballot initiative to solve the region’s infrastructure problem.

Pages